Episode 167. Asian Solopreneur’s POV on Creating Success in Business, Career, & Life

Whether you’re thinking of quitting a high paying job, starting a business, or wanting to become a successful content creator, there’s probably a lot of pressure on you to stay in a traditional career path and NOT pursue your big, audacious dreams… Especially if you’re an Asian woman.

In This Episode:

My story of quitting law school
Taking responsibility over your decisions, even if your Asian parents don’t support you
How to balance what your Asian immigrant parents want versus what you truly want
Challenge your own assumptions and redefine what success means to YOU

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Being Successful in Business & Life as an Asian Woman Entrepreneur

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Last month, I spoke on a panel at the Asian Wander Women Business & Travel summit, which was hosted in Taiwan and took place from March 28 to March 31. The topic of my panel was centered around redefining what it means to be successful, especially as an “Asian Wander Woman”.

In today’s episode, I want to expand more on this exact topic and share some of my experiences and perspectives as an Asian woman entrepreneur who is redefining success in accordance with what I believe in.

To start, I want to acknowledge that It’s a bit complex for us as Asian women. Our Asian parents worked hard to give us a good life, yet we feel this sort of need to please our Asian parents instead of doing better and being better for our future generations.

On one hand, when it comes to our Asian parents, generally speaking, they just want to know that we are in a financially secure situation and doing work that is positively contributing to society. For some, there may be that extra added layer of pressure to do something that is considered prestigious or makes a lot of money.

On the other hand, I think for a lot of us at this summit who are part of the AWW community, we have this innate desire to do something that isn’t necessarily conventional. For some of us in this room, we have an entrepreneurial spirit. We are highly creative and want to do something that isn’t traditional, but truly create something that is, in our own eyes, exceptional.

So the question is, how can we balance both while creating our own version of success?

I think it will ultimately depend on one’s family dynamic and other factors that may be uniquely at play for you. That said, what I can speak on for the time being is how I found my own balance.

My story of quitting law school

Growing up, I was your typical overachieving straight-A student who got really good grades and received several academic awards and scholarships.

Upon graduating from university, I got accepted into law school in Hong Kong (with a $100,000 HKD scholarship). I was super convinced that becoming a lawyer would be the BEST DECISION EVER!!!! Why? Because being a lawyer was prestigious, practical, and impressive. Right? It would also make my parents happy

Up until my early/mid-20s, I was doing everything “right”. Everything looked good on paper. I was preoccupied with “What other checkboxes of success can I tick off?”.

Maybe you can relate. As an Asian woman, I was prone to people pleasing and really wanted to be perceived as successful. I wanted to look good to others.

But when I actually started law school and did my internships, it didn’t take long for me to realize that this was NOT the career path meant for me and I started to really consider quitting law school.

Some thoughts I had

Should I just stick it out and finish 3 years of law school, then find a non-lawyer job?
Should I leave now and try to get into another graduate program that’s a better fit?
Should I work for a few years to figure out myself and explore my interests?
Why am I even feeling this way? I shouldn’t be having thoughts of wanting to leave law school.
Guilt. Shame. Embarrassment. Especially when I thought about my parents.
I don’t know what to do. There is no good option…

In hindsight, I now know that this was just my ego speaking. I had many options available to me. There is never a right or wrong option, but each option will require me to get over my own ego, stop doing things just to please others, and let go of my need to impress people.

If I want my situation to change, I have to change the way I think. I need to change the way I think about myself, what I feel like I “HAVE” to do, and redefine what it means to truly create success on my own terms and in accordance with what was important to me.

I ultimately submitted my letter to the law school and that was it! I had quit law school. I was relieved. But my parents, on the other hand, were absolutely furious. They told me how disappointed they were in me.

They told me that I was ungrateful for my opportunities and resources. They started naming all the things I used to quit or how since I was a kid, I would give up or half-ass things. My mom even said I needed to bring harmony back into the family.

Honestly, even at the time, I could see where they were coming from. Becoming a lawyer is a stable, well paying career option that is supposedly not dependent on “soft skills”. At least, that’s the notion I took away from a lot of the Asians around me at the time, both those who were my age and the Asian grown ups throughout my life.

Rather, this career is perceived to be centered around only “hard skills” or technical skills, which means you can’t BS it. If you work hard at improving on a certain set of skills, it will supposedly continue to guarantee employment.

Now with hindsight, I think this perception was especially common among Asian immigrant parents because when they first arrived to North America, they would observe that their local American colleagues are really good at speaking, good at selling themselves, whereas themselves and their Asian immigrant counterparts were more focused on being good at the actual job at hand.

Where our Asian immigrants might have “lacked” in terms of their network, their looks, their language skills, their personality, they could compensate by working extra hard and being really good at the hard skills that no one can question them on.

In a nutshell, no one can argue whether you’re good at technical skills, but it’s easier for people to overtake you in terms of your soft skills. This is the narrative that I observed from the Asian adults around me especially while growing up.

That’s why fast forward to when I was contemplating whether to quit law or not, it makes perfect sense to me why my parents were absolutely furious, not understanding, not supportive, and ultimately disappointed in me.

Even though I had an inkling that law wasn’t the right path for me, I still questioned myself and whether I did the right thing.

Now, in hindsight, especially now in 2024, I can confidently say that leaving law school back in 2018 was the best decision I could have made at that time.

Taking responsibility over your decisions, even if your Asian parents don’t support you

That being said, sometimes, I think my story might potentially give the wrong impression.

The idea of “creating your own dream life, not your Asian parents dream”, I wonder if it might mislead people to think of “Oh, so you’re saying we should just be ungrateful for what everything our parents have done for us” or “You’re so selfish and privileged to say that. Not all of us have the option to do so.” or “Oh, we should just focus on our own goals and disregard everything our parents have done for us”.

Here’s what I will say. First, that is NOT my intention at all. Second, what I really want to convey is that I want us to recognize that there will be times when we have different or even opposing aspirations, goals, and desires from our parents. That’s completely normal and expected. But THIS is where you have to make a decision (and oftentimes, it’s not easy).

Are you going to take full responsibility over your decisions and stay committed to your goals? Even if people don’t get it or support you? Because the truth is, it’s not other people’s job to agree with our life decisions or support our goals.

That’s your own job to always have your own back and stay committed to your goals and keep your word to yourself. No one else can do that for you, nor should they, if you can’t even do that for yourself.

If you do decide to pursue another path that’s different from the one your parents expect or want from you or even if there’s literally no one directly or indirectly imposing any expectations on you, you simply need to make a decision about whether to do something that’s different from what you’re currently doing. And simultaneously, you need to be okay with taking all the responsibility over the outcomes of your decision.

Even if you do end up failing and have to go back to what you were doing. Even if it’s really hard as you pursue this new path or initiative. Even if it’s been 5 years and no one around you is supporting you whether it’s emotionally or practically.

Regardless of the outcomes, you still have to have your own back and take responsibility for the decision YOU made.

How to balance what your Asian immigrant parents want versus what you truly want

Let me share what happened for me after I dropped out of law school in 2018.

Since 2018, my parents have seen me do a lot of things.

First, they saw me go get a full-time job as a research assistant and explored a career in research and academia. They saw me apply for a PhD for myself, and saw that it was completely my own decision.

Second, they saw me stay committed to building my business. They don’t quite understand what I do, because they aren’t really on social media themselves, but they still see me have coaching calls with clients and they see me in deep thinking at my laptop as I create content or reflect on my clients. They see me put in the work, all on my own.

They also saw me keep my word to myself, worked really damn hard, and never complained about my situation or results. I never asked them for support, whether it was financially or emotionally. Even when business felt hard. Even during my burnout between 2019 and 2020. Even when the pandemic hit, I couldn’t see my boyfriend and family for nearly two years

I never complained to them about my situation because I knew that I made the decision and my current situation all stemmed from the decisions I made.

That is why, today, they trust me to make my own decisions. They were also fully supportive of me in 2022 when I decided to quit my PhD and move to Singapore.

This is in stark contrast to 2018, when they saw me as a quitter, someone who half asses things, someone who doesn’t keep her promise, and someone who was wasting opportunity and resources and was ungrateful for the situation I was in.

Their views on me have shifted completely because I made the decision and took full responsibility over it.

Another thing I’ve learned is that even if my parents don’t support my decisions, that doesn’t mean anything about me or my parents. For example, I’m not ungrateful or lazy simply because I have a different dream than the ones my parents had for me.

It also doesn’t mean that my parents are not supportive or understanding people, because they genuinely want me to be okay in life. My decisions mean nothing about me or my parents. All it means is that we have a different viewpoint on whether or not I should have stayed in law school. That’s literally it.

When I fully accepted that, that was when I fully understood that just because we had different visions for what I should do with my life, does NOT mean that I have to stop working on my relationship with my parents. And that’s something that we worked on, every single day, over the past few years.

Let me just say, my relationship with my parents has never been better. Truly. And it makes me so grateful to know that my parents still love and support me, even if we have major disagreements on certain things.

Today, that single decision, that particular turning point in my career/life has allowed me to now pave a path that is unique to me and has allowed me to do work that I’m immensely proud of. I’m so proud of the business/career I’ve created for myself.

It took several years, but in recent years, my parents have also, since then, expressed that they’re proud of me.

And let me tell you, when you hear your Asian immigrant parents tell you that they’re proud of you. THAT IS NEXT LEVEL SHIT.

Challenge your own assumptions and redefine what success means to YOU

In order to get to where I am today, I had to first challenge my own assumptions and redefine what success means to me. That’s the lesson I really want to share with all of you today.

When it comes to creating our own definition of a successful life, career, or business, ESPECIALLY as Asian women, I personally believe that:

Sometimes, creating your own definition of success is NOT what others expect of or want from you. This means you have to stand firm when pursuing what you truly believe in and always take full responsibility for your decisions and actions.
It is okay if people don’t support you in the beginning. Stay committed to your vision and goals.
Ultimately, creating your own version of success is a choice you have to make. There’s no right or wrong. Just make a decision and move forward!

Looping back to the question of, “What does success mean to you?”

For me, my version of success right now, in 2024, looks like a mish mash of the following.

Let me read out snippet of Cheryl’s diary:

A version of Cheryl who is an embodiment of 50% earth + 30% air + 20% fire
- Earth = Calm, confident elegance; Consistent, committed, relaxed, focused
- Air = Creative, authentic, wholesome
- Fire = Makes a statement, bold, assertive, opinionated, sharp, vocal
I want to make a hell of a lot of money (ex: 250k/year) so I can live my dream creator lifestyle and do non-profit work for cats in the community.
It’s important to me to help others be proud of who they are and what they’ve built.
It matters to me to help others build a body of work and exert more agency over their life, career, and business.
Cats matter to me.
Going to cocktail bars and eating pasta also matter to me.
I am committed to growing my podcast to become a chart-ranking or world renowned show, and also elevating the quality of the content and the experience for our audience.
Speaking opportunities or press features are a way for my to get my show out to more people, spread my message around thought leadership and building a body of work, and advocate for the cat community.
I am confident inside out – I love who I am and I love how I look → I make dedicated efforts to take care of my brain and body.
I am constantly bringing creative new ideas to my body of work (podcast, LinkedIn, Instagram, email) and am coming up with creative new ways to grow my audience.
I am constantly immersing myself in environments where I am a student – I’m not afraid to be a beginner. I also relentlessly share my knowledge with my audience.
I make clear, dedicated efforts to support the cat community every week.
My work is obvious to someone meeting me for the first time. When someone comes across my website or profiles, it’s instantly clear what I podcast about, what my coaching program is, and how I’m involved in the cat community – I am vocal about what I do, in the most Cheryl way / Cheryl voice.
I am relentless when it comes to my goals – I will show the hell up and talk about my work.
If things aren’t working, it’s time to 1) lean into creativity and 2) do things differently. If I’m seeing myself stagnate, it’s time to shake things up.
My core values are: Brilliance, Commitment, Creativity, Meaningful Work, Sincerity.

This is my definition of a successful life. This is the dream I am committed to building for myself. This is how I’m redefining success as an Asian woman entrepreneur.

To whoever is listening to this right now, if you are currently in the midst of making a decision on whether to stay the current course or to do something different and pave your own path and ultimately go after your own dreams of what success looks like…

Whatever decision you are faced with at this moment, I want you to know that you literally cannot make a wrong decision. More specifically, you cannot make a wrong decision SO LONG AS you take full responsibility for it.

Right now, I want you to just make a decision, EVEN If your brain is freaking out. Just make a decision and stay committed to it. It is completely okay if your brain is freaking out. Let it freak out.

After your brain starts to calm down, remember this: You owe it to yourself to go after your own dreams and to serve the world at your highest potential. You deserve to give your dreams a fair chance. You deserve to give yourself the time and space to take action on your version of a successful life, career, or business. Your goals and dreams, they matter. Ultimately, you matter.

Today, I invite you to make a decision on something you’ve been dwelling on or avoiding. Then be willing to take full responsibility over the outcomes of it while staying fully committed to making it work.

For some of you, this decision may involve going against what people think is rational or what most people believe is “right”.

No matter what voices you’re hearing internally or externally, take responsibility for your decisions and stay committed to making your decision work. Trust that you cannot make a wrong decision and that you’ll always have your own back.

Sounds good? Awesome. Let’s get to work.