Episode 156. Wanting to Quit My Business: My 2023 Lowlights & Highlights

On the surface, my audience may look at my business and see a successful solopreneur who has built thought leadership, quit her job, and created a coaching business that makes money online. That said, the journey as an entrepreneur has not been easy, and 2023 was no exception to that.

In This Episode:

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The Highs and Lows of Building a Successful Solopreneur Business 

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In the spirit of end of year reflections and sharing the highs and lows that shape us into who we’ve become and what we’re bringing into the new year, I’d love to share my personal lowlights and highlights from this year, 2023. 

This definitely was not what I was expecting, but I am definitely proud to see that I was able to translate the not-so-great parts of the year into something that I’ll happily take with me into 2024.

Another thing that I’m insanely excited about is the Thought Leader Club. The Thought Leader Club is THE room to:

  • Start putting in the reps to create your thought leader career and become highly prolific and consistent at building thought leadership
  • Build a body of work that lets you become known for your unique thought leadership, your story, and how amazing you are at what you do
  • And ultimately set yourself up for making your 1-3 year dreams a reality

Your next step is to book a discovery call with me for us to have a conversation about:

1) What are your dreams in the next 1-3 years

2) The coaching, skills, and actions you need to make these dreams happen

3) How coaching together will support and guide you with all the above.

You can schedule a discovery call by first filling out a short application form on the sales page for the Thought Leader Club. After you submit the form, you’ll get a link to book a discovery call.

One more thing: I want to shout out Jennifer Ho, @byjenniferho on Instagram, because she inspired the way this episode is formatted as well as the specific prompts I’ll be diving into, such as “best and worst investment of the year”, “habits I wish I’ve built and habits that I did build in 2023”, and so on.

In this episode, we’ll first discuss the lowlights, then I’ll share the highlights.

Let’s dive into my 2023 lowlights, starting off with my top 3 failures of the year.

My 2023 lowlights

Top 3 failures of 2023

Failure 1: Not posting on LinkedIn out of fear of what people would think.

Wow. Looking back, I’m appalled that I didn’t start earlier because when I actually started posting original content on LinkedIn around late November and early December.

Pretty quickly, I can see that I’m getting way more traction on LinkedIn compared to Instagram. Also, one thing I started to appreciate about LinkedIn, is that more often than not, the people there have real accounts. This is in stark contrast to Instagram, where there are so many fake accounts, bots, and ppl hiding behind accounts where you can’t identify who they are.

What started out as a fear of being seen on LinkedIn, quickly turned into a sense of safety and belonging on the platform.

Looking back, I definitely wish I had started posting original content there much, much earlier. 

Failure 2: Not trusting my own voice and instead letting the voices around me penetrate into my content and messaging.

This resulted in both marketing as well as business decisions that were not fully in line with what I genuinely wanted to build.

For example, at the beginning of the year, I was strongly advised to lead with and sell soft launching in my marketing and messaging. Although soft launching was a tool that has played a tremendous role in my business, it simply was not something I wanted to be known for.

Instead, I want to be known for thought leadership and coaching the next generation of thought leaders. Eventually, I made the decision to go with what I truly wanted to build in the next 1-3 years, but it did take me a while to reach this point. 

Third and finally.

Failure 3: A past client made scathing remarks about our coaching.

This leads to the next segment of this episode, which is the most painful experience of 2023.

The most painful experience of 2023

When a past client made a public social media post that was negatively talking about their experience working with me, my immediate reaction when I came across the post was pure shock.

First, I thought we had a great relationship and that the client saw really great results during the beginning of our coaching together.

Second, the client made many statements in their post, which all came as a shock to me because they never expressed any of this to me when we were still working together. It never occurred to me how much bottled up thoughts they were harboring.

For a few weeks after coming across the post, I could see that I was deeply seeped into the thought of, “Maybe the client is right. Maybe I shouldn’t be coaching and I shouldn’t be talking on the Internet at all. Maybe I’m a complete fraud after all”.

For a good chunk of the year, my brain ferociously tried to convince me I should shut down my business and content creation entirely because I am not qualified whatsoever, that I’m doing people more harm than good.

Needless to say, there was a period this year where my confidence as a content creator and coach was very, very shaky after seeing a past client make piercing remarks about working with me. I was questioning everything I was doing and seriously contemplated quitting altogether.

For a while, I was feeling really scared. I was scared that my existing clients who did enjoy our coaching together, would somehow turn against me. I was afraid that one day, the clients today who really found value from working together would suddenly decide that that was not the case.

I was also scared that my audience would suddenly turn against me and find my content completely unhelpful, not relatable, or even just see my work as straight up trash. I was really, really scared for a while. 

It took some time, and eventually, I was able to arrive at a place where I was able to recognize that I need to give my people more credit. Meaning, my people are smart and can critically think for themselves.

My people are able to see and hold someone else’s perspective and still come to their own conclusions about things. This is something that I really believe in, and it was profoundly comforting for me to remember during this time. 

Ultimately, after some time, I decided I could not let one person’s bad comment ruin me. Because if I do, what will that mean for the people who do look up to me?

What would shutting it all down say to the people who do see me as their hope and light? What if my work, whether it be my coaching or my podcast, was serving as the light for someone else to go after their dreams? 

Because if I let one person’s perception of me completely cripple me, what would that mean for everyone else who truly does want to support me and feel positively impacted by me? 

I acknowledge that receiving negative comments or criticism can feel so painful because deep down somewhere, I’m afraid that there is perhaps some truth to what the person was saying. And also yes, there are for sure constructive lessons I can glean from feedback.

And of course, this past client’s thoughts are valid and real for them. I don’t want to dismiss that ever.

Eventually, with time, I was able to start to look more neutrally at the past client’s words , through the lens of, “Where could there be truth to what they said, and how could this serve as an area of improvement for me? What can I do differently so that I can minimize such experiences for my people moving forward?” 

One realization was that most of the sentiments this client shared in their social media post were literally never communicated to me. They never expressed the thoughts and feelings they wrote in their social media posts, to me. And honestly, I’m simply not a mind reader. 

One lesson I could learn here is, how could I do better in terms of creating a culture in my programs where clients genuinely do feel welcomed to share their feedback and experience about the program so far? How can I let them know that I welcome constructive feedback and I genuinely care about their experience? 

Although this was a very, very painful experience for me in 2023, later on in this episode, you’ll see that this lowlight eventually led to some of my greatest highlights this past year. 

For now, let’s segue into the next part, which is an investment I wish I had made in 2023.

An investment I wish I had made in 2023

I really wish I had made a longer, solo trip to NYC (New York City). Because here’s the thing, I was already in NYC for the Golden Crane Awards, but I decided to only spend ONE day in NYC.

I partly made this decision because I had already spent 3 weeks in Vancouver and wanted to go home.

But I also opted to spend the least amount of time possible in NYC because I didn’t want to spend more money on food, hotel, etc. Looking back, I definitely wish I stayed longer! 

3 things I wish I did more of in 2023

1) Using hair conditioner and heat protectant for my hair.

I don’t know why I thought It was acceptable for me to not use hair conditioner, considering I wash my hair nearly daily because my hair gets greasy on a daily basis.

Likewise, I don’t know why I thought it was okay to not use heat protection considering the fact that I do use heat on my hair a few times a week.

Well, good news, I did invest in a bottle of conditioner from the hair salon a few weeks ago and have been using it since. 

2) I wish I had just gone grocery shopping and spent the time preparing meals, and instead of either eating out or eating junk food for meals.

No further explanation necessary here.

3) And finally, I wish I had just bought clothes that fit me instead of wishing I can fit into my old stuff.

Looking at this list. I already know what I need to do. It’s just a matter of building up my sense of identity as someone who does these habits, and just putting in the repetitions to build my habit so that eventually, it becomes second nature for me.

The hardest truth to hear and top intrusive thoughts of 2023

Hardest truth to hear

Given that I was particularly shaky in my confidence as an entrepreneur and coach this past year, hands down the most profound truth for me to wrap my head around this year was this: The difference between a high performing entrepreneur and one who’s not, is how quickly they learn from and recover from bad feedback. 

Even now, as I read it out loud again, it still hits home. Definitely a message or truth that was especially relevant for me this past year. 

Top intrusive thoughts

Let’s talk about the top intrusive thoughts that came up for me in 2023.

They are:

  1. Feeling like I’m not doing enough or that I’m not good enough compared to my entrepreneur peers, friends who are in traditional careers, my family, my husband, etc.
  2. Feeling useless and not contributing enough to those I care most about (both in terms of time and finances).
  3. Questioning if my work is even doing any good (ex: Do my clients even want to keep working with me? Does my audience even find value in my podcast?)

These intrusive thoughts definitely made 2023 a bit harder and they’re still thoughts that I’m going to be working on in 2024.

Maybe in our next annual update, I would have made some great progress. Will keep you all posted then 🙂

A goal I did not hit in 2023

Honestly, there were so many goals I did not meet in 2023.

Here are some of the most interesting ones: 

  • Creating physical workbooks for clients (and mailing it to them)
  • Setting up a private podcast for clients so they can easily relisten to call recordings (That said, I did recently invest in a podcast hosting platform that will allow me to *finally* start this for clients in 2024)
  • My 2023 annual revenue goal
  • Closet/style revamp – Clearing out clothes that I no longer wear or no longer fit me, and replacing them with flattering, fitted items
  • Building healthy habits like consistently meal prepping, exercising, reducing my junk food intake, etc
  • Have 3 cats

Honest thoughts about my 2023 lowlights

Overall. Like many, 2023 wasn’t necessarily an easy year for me.

That said, many of these tough lessons or lowlights eventually led to some of my greatest gifts of 2023.

By the end of the year, I was feeling more peace and a sense of sufficiency, more than ever before.

For example, I am no longer attaching my self-worth to my business results. I’m now more committed than ever to do better, be better, and create more amazingness in 2024 – I cannot be any more grateful for that 🙂

My 2023 highlights

Top 3 celebrations of 2023

Celebration 1: Asking myself: What is Cheryl REALLY good at? (and actually answering that question honestly and without judgment).

Because the truth is, different coaches and different creators have different skills and strengths that make them a great coach or a great creator.

For example, the top common themes I identified among what I’m really darn good at include:

  • I’m very productive, efficient, and get lots of things done.
  • I’m a prolific and consistent content creator
  • I’m very structured and am apt at organizing information. I can think of creative or alternative ways of organizing information.

Actually answering this question has helped me make changes or implement certain decisions in my business that I’m now LOVING. 

Side note: I asked a few of my entrepreneur friends to share with me what they think are 5 of my superpowers, and here’s what they shared:

Friend 1 said: 

  • You see things from a different perspective
  • You have a calm grounded presence that makes people feel safe
  • You write content really really fast
  • You’re great at managing time and tasks
  • You have an eye for details

Friend 2 said:  

  • You’re excellent at pivoting on the spot
  • You are decisive
  • You are a keyboard warrior
  • You are thorough at organization
  • You are great at holding space

Friend 3 said

  • You are good at content creation (coming up with ideas for content)
  • You are good at synthesizing your thought processes and sharing it
  • You are good at forming meaningful connections with people easily
  • You are able to talk about the same thing a lot without getting tired of it
  • You are open about your life story/struggles/lessons/experiences

And finally, friend 4 said: 

  • You are good at acting fast – you have an idea and you do it. This is such a strength and superpower because when you learn from it you’re always falling forward and learning at an accelerated pace
  • You are good at working in spurts – you get your work done and you can just plop down to do it, whether it’s coaching homework, thinking about clients, writing podcast episodes. You’re not tied to just “working long hours at your desk”
  • You are good at building community – your people genuinely love you and want to be around you. You also attract very similar, like minded people —> which speaks to the values you inherently show up with (there’s the consistency playing here again)
  • Your work ethic/consistency – This is speaking to (where most folks online are crying about their ADHD brain etc and having super highs and lows); you have your shit and still show TF up. 
  • Your willingness to experiment, pivot – when something isn’t working you figure it out and you make a change. You’re not going down with a burning ship, so to speak. You grab a life boat and figure out how to build a better and stronger ship. Many online folks have these big dramatic “exits” cause they can’t handle small pivots so they burn and fizzle out.

If you haven’t yet already, I highly recommend asking yourself and asking some trusted entrepreneur friends or your coach what they think are your biggest strengths and what you’re damn good at.

Celebration 2: Received a Golden Crane Award from the Asian American Podcasters Association.

I cannot be any more proud of the work I do via my podcast, and to be recognized for it is simply beyond what I can even dream of.

Honestly, before I learned that I won the award, one of the thoughts I’ve been grappling with is questioning whether I was even deserving to go to this awards event in New York. 

Because as you may have guessed, I was struggling with thoughts of wondering whether my work in this world, through my capacity as a coach and podcaster, was even doing any good. 

To realize, “Oh shit, my podcast legit went through a rigorous judging criteria process AND ultimately it was deemed as quality work AND it even won an award… Maybe, just maybe, Cheryl, you ARE doing something good in this world.”

Given the lowlights that occurred earlier in the year, winning an award meant a lot. Truly. 

Celebration 3: During a happy hour, my dad told my husband that he’s proud of me

My dad didn’t say it to me directly, but my husband later told me what he said. It means a lot. 

I have no other words to explain how touched I was when I heard this.

My most meaningful experience in 2023

No, this isn’t a shameless plug for my new program.

Launching The Thought Leader Club 1:1 + community program was a pivotal moment for me in 2023. Because right now, I’m having soooo much fun with the people inside the program.

I LOVE talking about my program and I have no qualms about making offers or selling online. I’m so, so proud of the program and what we do inside the container. 

For a while, my brain was fighting hard to convince me to NOT rebrand/pivot, and instead continue being known for all things “side hustle”. Reasons my brain was coming up with include:

  • Side hustling is how I started my business; It was my lived experience and story
  • I have become known as the coach for side hustlers 
  • My podcast (The Side Hustle Club Podcast) won an award
  • People know my story (1. Quitting law school 2. Side hustling for 3 years before becoming a full-time entrepreneur 3. Quitting PhD) 
  • I show up in search results when people type in “side hustle”
  • And so on. 

To top it off, I was also circling in thoughts such as:

  • Will my past or current clients be upset?
  • What if I make less money because of these changes?
  • What if I stop getting new people discovering my podcast because I no longer show up in search results?

But of course, I knew that staying in indecision or inaction would not help me, my business, or my people.

The ultimate question that helped me to solidify my decision to rebrand was: What’s in it for my peeps? For me, the answer was clear as day.

First, when my peeps see me leading by example (ex: Being willing to go first, acknowledging that she’s changed her mind, being aware of her own gaps, etc), that gives them permission to be more self-aware and make changes as well. 

Second, when I’m honest about who I work best with and what I can help clients best with, I am zoning into my gifts as a coach. This means that all of my current and future clients benefit from the coaching experience. This also applies to the folks who no longer want to work with me because of the new direction – this benefits them too!

I really, really mean it when I say that I’m very committed to the results and experience of the clients inside the program. A question I’ve been asking myself is, “No matter what their learning style is, no matter what their schedule is, no matter what they THINK their capacity is, how will I help them to get to the finish line?”

For example, we need to figure out why they’re not doing what they say they’re gonna do. Afterall, they hired me as the coach to help them figure that out.

Also, how can I as the coach hold the standard for our clients? For example, sure, you as the client could go at your own pace, but if this is the pace that both you and I know you’re capable of, what decision will you choose to make?

These are some examples of thoughts I think about very often throughout the week. 

This is 100% my best decision of the year, and hands down the most meaningful experience for me in 2023.

Best investment in 2023

Given that Singapore is so darn hot year round, these cooling AF bedsheets were 100% worth it. Whether it’s a nap on a lazy Sunday or going to sleep after working hard on a weekday, I legit feel sooooo good crawling into my bed EVERY SINGLE TIME, because of these bedsheets. Highly recommend it, especially if you live in a hot climate.

Top 3 supporters in 2023

Now, I want to share my top 3 supporters of the year. 

  • First, my friend Ruby from @rubysparks.co – We talk every single day. We send cat pics to each other. We talk about seemingly mundane things and don’t get bored with each other. She also supported me during a lot of my business lowlights this year. 
  • Second, the husband. He is the calm during my storm. He feeds me. He pays for most of the mortgage. He tolerates my cat shedding hair everywhere. He laughs at me, laughs with me, and makes me laugh.
  • Third, my friend Rae from @raematrix – A bright ray of sunshine in my life. Someone I can trust and confide in. We openly share our life and business ups and downs with one another. A friend that little Cheryl wishes she had!

Kindest words received this year

Moving onto the kindest words I received this year. There were definitely a number of kind words that stand out to me, but the one that feels very meaningful and is especially relevant for me given the lowlights in 2023 is the following: You pave the way for what’s possible and are an example of an alternative career for recurring high achievers with Asian backgrounds.

Receiving this gave me a lot of encouragement and reassurance that my work is well received by others. It definitely helped to further fuel my commitment to my work and what I want to build in 2024.

Best habits I built in 2023

Now, I want to talk about the best habits I developed or strengthened in 2023.

First: Creating content from anywhere and everywhere.

Whether it’s on the train/bus or at a stuff food court at the mall, I can now turn on creator mode *almost* instantly, regardless of my surroundings.

This was a habit that I’ve started to build back in my side hustler days, so, between 2019-2021, but I saw that even though it’s been several years, I’m still leveraging this skill or habit every now and then. That’s a huge contributor to how I’ve been able to be quite prolific and consistent in my content output. 

Second: Doing what I say I’d do

Sometimes, it does feel like I’m just “checking off my list” but more often than not, this habit allows me to show up for my dreams even when I’m scared, feeling lazy, etc.

Honestly, there were so, so, so many weeks and months this year where I just wanted to shut it all down and not show up anymore. During those moments, I still chose to show up because 1) not only am I committed to my own word. I will do what I say I’ll do. But also, 2) I am committed to building what im building for others. 

Third: Writing a sales email every day for 31 days in October

By ripping the bandaid off and just doing the damn thing, I can now quickly write email content any time. Even though I don’t plan to do a daily email challenge any time soon.

These are definitely habits or skills that I’m quite proud of this year.

Honest thoughts about my 2023 highlights

I shed a lot of tears this year, but I also felt so much peace, internal safety, and internal growth this year.

I saw how supported and loved I am. I witnessed the direct impact I have on real human beings.

No matter how hard certain moments felt this year, I’m unbelievably grateful for all of it.

I promise to learn from both the lows and the highs, and to do better and be better in 2024.

A goal I have for 2024

One of my biggest strengths is my ability to take action quickly and efficiently.

This is how I’ve been able to be prolific and consistent at building my body of work and becoming known for my own thought leadership. This is why one of my biggest goals for 2024 is to teach and help more peeps become prolific and consistent. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my “unique repeatable process”.

For example, when I look at the major themes of what I’ve built, is say that it comes down to the following:

  • Choose what you want to be known for, then build a body of work where you talk about this over and over again)
  • Create thought leadership around what you want to be known for)
  • Creating the capacity to be prolific and consistent
  • And also, working on my mindset and identity

The next step for me is to think more about how I can be a better teacher of the above.

To start, I’ll be teaching an in-depth workshop on this topic in January for peeps inside the Thought Leader Club.

Then, I’ll host some free masterclasses on this topic.

I genuinely want more people to build the muscles they need to become highly skilled creators, be seen as leaders in their space, and have their work stay top of mind for their community.

I’ll start here first, then decide what else I can do 🙂

Even if 2023 was a really hard year, please don’t let the past be the reason you slow down for 2024

Right now as we are embarking on a fresh new year, my sincerest wish is for all of us to take the time to recognize what you’ve created and who you’ve become during 2023.

The version of you on January 1st 2023 is probably already mind blown at what you’ve created and who you’ve created, what you’ve navigated and experienced in 12 months alone.

No matter the highs and lows you’ve navigated in 2023, you honestly have an incredible lifetime and journey ahead of you.

Even if 2023 was a really hard year, please don’t let the past be the reason you slow down for 2024. 

Let’s recommit to our vision and goals and step powerfully into 2024 to make our dreams and goals happen. And remember, you are already doing something that most people will never even try to do, even if they deeply desire it for themselves.

Let’s be in awe of who we’ve become in 2023, and continue to take committed, relentless, aligned action to make even more amazingness happen in 2024.

Sounds good? Awesome. Let’s get to work.

Listen to the Episode

Additional Resources

THOUGHT LEADERSHIP STRATEGY AUDIT

– Audit the 9 parts of your thought leadership strategy

– Identify the specific areas you can improve on to build a substantial and compelling body of work

Get the free audit: https://cheryltheory.com/audit 

Episode 166. Building a Sustainable Thought Leader Business & Being a Relaxed Solopreneur: 5 Lessons from 5 Years

Episode 148. Hi, I’m Cheryl Lau (Part 2): Growing a Successful Solopreneur Coaching Business & Personal Brand 

Episode 143. Building Thought Leadership: A Behind-the-Scenes of My Podcast Rebrand

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