Episode 175. Feeling Behind and Discouraged in Your Business: Should You Keep Going?

How do you keep moving forward when you’re struggling with comparisons and feeling unsuccessful in your life & business? This is exactly what we’ll unpack in this episode.

A lot of times, we get triggered by the success of other people. We start feeling all sorts of comparisons, like we’re so behind whenever we look at everyone else and see their success as a reminder of what we supposedly lack.

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How to keep moving forward when you’re struggling with comparisons and feeling unsuccessful in your life & business

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For example, they have more clients, they’re better looking, they have a larger following, they have more subscribers or podcast downloads or LinkedIn followers. Or they have a better network, they have it easier because they don’t have to work a full-time job outside of their business, they have a partner and are dual income, they’re naturally smarter…

Or another scenario that might be happening is that you keep thinking that your colleagues and peers got it all. They have it all figured out for them. And here you are struggling to make it work. Or maybe you keep thinking, “Ugh, I should be more this” or “UGH, I should have been more this by now”…

And now, it feels like no amount of recognition or achievement that’s able to fill that sense of lack in you because you keep on seeing others as an example of what you’re missing out on or lacking in yourself. It’s like no matter how brilliant others see you, you can’t acknowledge your own brilliance.

Comparisons with other entrepreneurs or with your past success

Besides comparing yourself to others, what I’ve also seen happen is that for some entrepreneurs, you compare your current business with the past.

Meaning: You feel like your best entrepreneurial days have already passed, and now your business is not working the way it used to work anymore.

Or maybe you feel like your creativity for your marketing and content is capped and there’s just no other ways you can talk about your work from a different angle anymore.

But honestly, whether you’re comparing yourself with other entrepreneurs or comparing to your past entrepreneurial success, by thinking that others have it better than you or by thinking that your past success is better than what you have now or what’s possible in the future, that’s completely obliterating any possibility of you appreciating what you have accomplished, both in the past, present, and future,

Right now, if all this resonates a lot with you, first and foremost, let’s get you out of this headspace.

Because ultimately, the biggest work we can do for the future of ourselves and our business is to learn to develop a grounded sense of commitment to, appreciation of, and conviction behind our work and the inherent value of the work that we do. IRRESPECTIVE of how your success looks like in comparison to other people OR to the past version of you.

To start, for anyone who’s currently feeling like you’re stuck in a bit of feeling so behind and lacking in your business, I want to offer a few perspectives that hopefully can offer you a different way of looking at your business and kick you back into momentum.

How to keep moving forward when you feel behind and unsuccessful in your business

Perspective 1: Accepting where you are right now. Because this is, in fact, where you are right now.

If you’re feeling behind, then my guess is that you’re also feeling some grief in the process. 

Let’s be honest: It sucks to see others doing what you want to do, or feel like you’re doing worse than you were previously doing. Or that you’re feeling behind on the timeline you had set out for your goals. It sucks. But at some point, we need to learn how to accept where we are.

However, acceptance doesn’t mean we will automatically feel good.

I was looking at some research which discussed acceptance as an emotional regulation strategy, and the papers say that the goal of acceptance when it comes to being an emotion regulation strategy, is NOT to change the experience of the emotions, but rather, to receive them without control attempts.

Meaning, if we were to view acceptance through the lens of emotional regulation, then we are NOT trying to regulate the emotion per se. We’re not trying to adjust how strong the feeling is, how long we feel this feeling for and so on. 

If we were to borrow that way of looking at acceptance, specifically, accepting where you are currently at in your business right now and any of the feelings of disappointment you might be experiencing, then we can see that it is 100% okay to feel absolutely trash right now, and that the goal isn’t to take action and push and hustle your way out of what you’re feeling.

The goal isn’t to throw yourself into work in hopes of changing your business results and changing how you’re feeling.

Rather, the goal is to be able to let the feelings of disappointment just exist for the time being, and at the same time, continue to do what you need to do. Keep moving forward.

That said, acceptance doesn’t mean you’re going to stay complacent or stagnant where you’re at. Instead, you can feel acceptance for where you’re currently at AND concurrently strive to do better and be better . 

If anything, acceptance is more so about cultivating a healthier relationship with yourself so that you have more mental and emotional capacity to take action and move forward with your next steps. 

Perspective 2: Someone is looking up to you and sees you as an example of who they want to be and what they want to create.

Someone, right now, is looking at you as an example of what is possible. They’re looking up to us. Seriously.

They’re amazed at your growth, both in terms of your character and in terms of how you’re showing up to share your work and how your business has grown.

Not only that, the version of you who first started this business, this person too would be so in awe at who you’ve become and what you’ve created in the past few years since you started this journey.

But here we are being so busy dismissing all that we’ve created and who we’ve become.

Besides failing to appreciate how far you’ve come, you’re also inadvertently dismissing someone else’s amazement at you and wonderful perception of you, and that, in my opinion, is incredible.

Keep going. We got work to do, not just for ourselves but for others as well.

Let’s do this. Let’s get to work.

Perspective 3: Different seasons will require us to look at different metrics of success.

We all have different seasons in business and life, and our metrics of success need to adjust according to the season we are in.

Being able to discern what season you’re in and hence what success looks like in that season, is critical so that you don’t constantly stay stuck in the thought loop of you’re behind, that your current results aren’t good enough, and the feeling of helplessness over your situation or outcomes.

Being able to discern your metrics of success or growth for this season is also profoundly helpful. Otherwise, you might be judging and shaming yourself based on the wrong metrics.

For example, it’s so easy in our capitalistic society to feel like we’re constantly behind. There’s this culture all around us, both online and offline, that’s based on this sense of scarcity, selling us the idea that we are not enough because we don’t have that XYZ thing. 

Sometimes, it’s helpful just being aware that this narrative of lack is highly prevalent. It’s all around us.

Although we might feel shit at times about ourselves, try to notice when you might be subscribing to narratives of metrics of success that are simply not in line with the season you’re in right now. 

Perspective 4: The past isn’t as pretty as you’re currently making it out to be.

This is specifically for those who feel like you were doing better than you are right now.

The truth is, right now, it’s very likely that you’re looking at your past results through rose coloured glasses. You’re forgetting all the stress, the pains, the lows you had to navigate in the past.

I’m sure that even if you did indeed create factually “bigger” or “better” results than right now, the fact of the matter was that it probably wasn’t as easy as you’re currently making it out to be.

Every season brings with it its own challenges, and what is really happening is that your current set of challenges look different from the ones you might have faced in the past when you created those “better” results.

Perspective 5:  You’re forgetting your own brilliance.

When we’re stuck in the thought cycle of feeling we’re behind, we forget what makes us so uniquely brilliant at what we do. We forget all the ways we are different from our colleagues. We lose sight of the value that we uniquely bring to our work. In other words, we forget our own unique thought leadership. 

This is why part of the work is to own the belief that you DO have thought leadership that you’re contributing to your field, and work on remembering what is uniquely different about you and your work.

We need to first learn to validate ourselves and what we do, rather than letting “making X amount of money” be the validation that we’re so deeply craving for. 

And frankly, when you’re able to step into your power and really own your thought leadership, no one else can do it like you do. No one else can do it like you, and you no longer need to feel validated OR invalidated by your comparisons or feelings of being behind.

Because now, you’re so rooted in the thought leadership you bring to the table.

The Thought Leadership Club (TLC)

This, my friends, is part of the work we do inside the Thought Leader Club (TLC). TLC is a 3 month 1:1 program where we will create a thought leadership strategy to help you step into this new identity both online and offline.

In 3 months, you will take concrete steps to become known for your unique thought leadership, create a 1-3 year plan centered around your thought leadership, and also embody this mindset and lifestyle outside of your business.

Right now, maybe you know you’re good at what you do. But you often struggle to believe it yourself. Or maybe you feel that you’re successful on paper, but constantly feel like something is still missing. Or you see people online doing what it is you want to do, so you intellectually know it’s possible. But these 1-3 year dreams still feel out of reach.

Overall, you secretly know you’re meant for something bigger, and now you’re ready to figure out exactly what that is. In order to do that, you know you’re going to need to start building a body of work that encapsulates your thought leadership and the Thought Leader Club is meant to help you with exactly that.

NOW is the time to start putting in the reps to build thought leadership, to start building a consistent and prolific body of work that lets you become known for your unique thought leadership, your story, and how amazing you are at what you do, and ultimately set yourself up for making your 1-3 year dreams a reality.

Because when you are clear on what your unique thought leadership is, when you have a plan for how to build thought leadership in the next -3 years and when you learn to embody your thought leader identity both online and offline, this is how you STOP feeling like you’re behind.

Instead, you start to take back your sense of power and agency over your business and business outcomes. You start to approach your business from a grounded sense of confidence and no longer let your sense of self worth be dependent on comparisons with other entrepreneurs or comparisons with the past version of you.

Through the work we do inside TLC, you will build the muscles you need to show up and lead with an intrinsic sense of confidence and self assurance in your work, in your thought leadership, and skill sets.

TLC will help you start putting in the reps to build thought leadership, in addition to building your commitment, consistency muscles and a grounded sense of recognition for who you are and the work that you do.

In three months, you will start to see that instead of focusing on what others have and what you don’t have, you start to show up with a calm confidence, a self assured presence and authority, which will inevitably attract opportunities and clients that are in line with your thought leadership.

Part of your journey ahead as you continue to build thought leadership and grow your business is to STOP undervaluing and minimizing your story, your perspectives, your skills, and your work. This is why the concept of identity is an integral part of the Thought Leader Club.

Because at the end of the day, the only validation and affirmation that you need is the one you give to yourself. So let’s start building thought leadership not just from taking action and showing up online, but also internally, from within, so that once you develop that self belief behind who you are and what you do, you start showing up as a thought leader both online and offline.

For more information on the TLC, you can head on over to www.cheryltheory.com/tlc.

When you’re ready to book a discovery call to chat more about joining the TLC, you can do so directly on our website. All the information and to book a discovery call is at www.cheryltheory.com/tlc.

Sounds good? Awesome. Now, let’s finish up today’s conversation with a story that I really, really want to share with you all.

A recent example of how I failed in my business and felt behind compared to other entrepreneurs and my past success

In 2023, my business revenue was lower than what I did in 2022. Which is not what I expected when I entered into 2023 at the beginning of the year.

I started the year, like everyone else, overbrimming with excitement about all the possibilities and was committed to my goals of creating another 6 figure year through my business. I had worked hard up until this point, and had nothing but high hopes about my 2023 business goals. 

Honestly, I thought if I just put in the work, I would hit my business goal of another 6 figure year. Long story short, I did not hit that goal. I was less than 60% of the way there with my goal. Still a sufficient annual income to live off of, don’t get me wrong. But I was comparing myself to how my business did in 2021 and in 2022.

Not to mention, my brain was trying to tell me, “See, Cheryl? In 2021, I was still side hustling and I still created 6 figures. Now that I’m in my business full time and didn’t even make it close to my 6 figure goal, That’s so embarrassing. You don’t deserve to run this business. Just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself. No one wants to work with you.”

I think it’s understandable why closer to the last few months of the year, I felt pretty shitty about how my business was doing in 2023. I was comparing myself not just to my peers in the online coaching space, but also to past Cheryl in 2021 and 2022. And it doesn’t help that not many people talk about their rejections or failures online.

In moments like this, yes, I needed time to feel terrible. I needed a lot of time. And it was appropriate to take time to feel my emotions, especially since I worked hard and didn’t get the results I was working towards.

But what happens next, matters. What I do after feeling defeated, it matters. How I pick myself back up after falling and failing, it matters.

When I moved on from 2023 to 2024 earlier this year, I understood fully that I needed to take action and show up for my goals, even when I feel shit and defeated about my business. 

Because the truth is, I can, on one hand, feel terribly behind. But at the same time, on the other hand, I can also feel possibility, hope, commitment, and drive. But no one else can feel this for me. No one can want it more than I can for myself. No one can hold the belief for me, except me.

How I show up in the next few months after 2023 comes to a close, will have a big influence on my trajectory in the long run.

Am I going to let 2023 keep me in a defeated state? Or am I going to pick myself back up and continue moving forward, keep building my thought leadership and body of work, and sharpen both my skill sets and mindsets? 

I think it’s obvious which option I picked. I picked the latter.

I chose to continue moving forward no matter how disappointed I might have felt about my business results for 2023. Because I’ve spent years building a grounded sense of commitment to, appreciation of, and conviction behind my work, I am deeply rooted in the inherent value of the work that I do IRRESPECTIVE of how and what my results look like in comparison to other people or to the past version of myself.

Now, I want to shift the focus to you. 

Maybe some of you can relate to the example I just shared. Maybe right now, you’re feeling overshadowed by others, or maybe you’re feeling no matter how hard you’re working in your business, your efforts just aren’t reflecting in your results.

And you honestly just feel discouraged and maybe even resentful towards this thing called building a business or towards marketing. You start to loathe entrepreneurship and marketing. You feel utterly behind and severely lacking compared to others or compared to a sort of past version of you.

If this is the situation you’re in at the moment, what will you choose to do next? How will you choose to look at yourself and your work moving forward? Are you going to let your feelings of defeat completely suffocate you and hold you back from taking any steps forward?

Or are you going to recognize the significance, the relevance, and the impact of who you are and the work that you do? 

I’ll let you marinate on this question and ultimately make the decision for yourself. 

Sounds good? Awesome. Let’s get to work.

Listen to the Episode

Resources Mentioned

BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL here: https://cheryltheory.com/discovery 

We will get crystal clear on whether coaching together is the next best move for you. The discovery call is where we will have a conversation about

👀 What are your dreams in the next 1-3 years

👀 The coaching, skills, and actions you need to make these dreams happen, and

👀 How coaching will support and guide you with all the above

You can schedule a discovery call here: https://cheryltheory.com/discovery 

Other Episodes You’ll Enjoy

Episode 100. Burnt Out Side Hustler to Multiple 6 Figure Coach (Part 1): The Mistakes & Challenges

Episode 101. Burnt Out Side Hustler to Multiple 6 Figure Coach (Part 2): The Biggest Lessons & Shifts

Episode 171. Feeling Stagnant in Business, Inconsistent Income, and Other Q&A’s: Chill AF Solopreneur (Part 4)

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