185. Balancing Being Professional vs. Being Authentic

When it comes to this notion of “being yourself” or “being authentic, a lot of people see this as something that comes at the expense of being professional. Meaning, if you are being “authentic” or “being yourself”, then it also means that you are not being professional enough.

Hence, many of us are left wondering whether it’s even possible to be seen as authentic without sacrificing being seen as professional.

In this episode, I want to explore this idea further. The idea of authenticity VS professionalism.

I also want to discuss a similar thread, which is the idea of trying to impress others vs expressing yourself. There’s a lot I want to chat with you all about, so get ready for a good conversation.

COWORK & CHILL With Cheryl (CCC)

Before we explore this topic, I’d love to introduce to you one of our signature programs, COWORK & CHILL With Cheryl (CCC). COWORK & CHILL with Cheryl is a 3-month 1:1 program where I work as your creative and strategic content partner. 

Together, we will create your content pieces together in our 1:1 CCC sessions, and you’ll also get tailored feedback on how to sharpen your unique voice, improve the clarity and structure of your ideas, and critically evaluate your content.

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Inside CCC, we can work on anything related to your thought leadership, your body of work, your business, or personal brand.

For example, we can write a full script for your podcast episode, which you can then record after. Or we can rewrite your sales page for your offer, or work on that email sequence you’ve been putting off for a whole month. Or we can also work together to help you *finally* start that LinkedIn newsletter and help you actually stay consistent with it week after week.

Building your body of work and becoming known for your thought leadership, AND being consistent with it. This matters for the purpose of building your personal brand, signing clients for your business, attracting speaking opportunities and positioning yourself as an expert in your niche. It also matters because frankly, with the rise of AI, there will come a time when literally everyone can easily and quickly use AI to create lots and lots of content.

Realistically, there will come a time in the near future where AI can do a darn good job at writing like a human. And when that comes time, that is NOT the time to get started with building your body of work.

If anything, starting then is going to be a tad too late already. Instead, NOW is THE time to get started with building your body of work.

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For all the details about the program and to book a discovery call to explore how this program can support you, head on over to cheryltheory.com/ccc.

With that, let’s dive into the conversation for today.

In This Episode:

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How to balance being professional versus being authentic as a solopreneur, content creator or business owner

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How to balance being professional vs. being authentic

More often than not, people aren’t willing to forgo potential career or business opportunities just so they can be more of themselves.

Meaning: If their professional success or growth hinges on being professional or being perceived as professional, my guess is that most people will err on the side of professionalism rather than authenticity.

But is being professional and being authentic REALLY on the opposite ends of the same spectrum? Is it REALLY impossible for them to coexist at the same time?

Because my thought is, why are they even positioned on opposite ends of the same spectrum in the first place?

If you look at the definition of “professional” in the Cambridge dictionary, the definitions provided include: 

  • relating to work that needs special training or education
  • having the qualities that you connect with trained and skilled people, such as effectiveness, skill
  • used to describe someone who does a job that people usually do as a hobby
  • having the type of job that is respected because it involves a high level of education and training

This does not suggest anything even remotely to being NOT authentic. So, if being professional and being authentic are not necessarily opposites, then what’s the problem here? 

Here’s my hypothesis. What I’m thinking is that people see authenticity as “being true to yourself and expressing what you’re really thinking or showing your true personality”.

But the assumption here is that your real thoughts or personality is NOT professional enough. In other words, my guess is that people have the assumption that your genuine personality or your real thoughts and feelings are not up to par with the standards or expectations of your industry or profession or job title.

Another assumption I suspect is also happening is that people think “professional” means you have to put on a sort of facade and mould yourself into a polished or artificial or fake version of you in order to be taken seriously among your professional colleagues or be seen as someone who is good at your work.

But the more I think about these assumptions and how it’s feeding into our perceptions of what it means to be professional and what it looks like to be authentic, the more I’m wondering what if this is a super limited way of thinking about professionalism and authenticity?

Over the years, what has likely happened is that we’ve come across someone who was willing to compromise who they are – whether it be faking a personality that’s not quite them, or whether they are hiding parts of themselves in order to fit in.

Either way, we’re likely met someone who compromised parts of themselves or moulded themselves into who they think they need to be in a professional context in order to move their career or business forward. And hey, maybe we have done that ourselves too.

That’s probably why the concept of authenticity became such a popular, even seemingly refreshing concept. Authenticity became the beacon of showing up as yourself without any concerns of the potential risk of losing opportunities or being judged or disliked. Because after all, authenticity is all about BEING YOURSELF. WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK IF YOU ARE BEING YOURSELF, RIGHT?

Well, maybe not. The reality is that if you abide by this very EXTREME conceptualization of authenticity or self-expression or being yourself, then there very much will be a possibility that people will question your credibility and sincerity. People might feel disconnected with you. People may have certain judgments about you.

As a result, it’s likely you will miss out on opportunities simply because people have not so great thoughts about you. 

Again, all of this stems from a very EXTREME, SKEWED, and LIMITED perception of what it means to express yourself or be yourself.

And if that’s the case, then what’s an alternative way of defining self-expression and authenticity?

Defining self-expression and authenticity

To answer that question, I think we need to consider that the definition of “self-expression” or “authenticity” is actually being most in integrity with ourselves. 

For example, how can you redefine what it means to express yourself or be authentic so that you aren’t trying to fake being authentic or fake being genuine in a way that isn’t aligned with your true self?

Conversely, how can you set your own parameters around what it means for you to express yourself or be authentic so that you aren’t just blindly following the crowd and not utilizing your critical thinking?

Let’s say, right now, you want to build your presence on LinkedIn. But what has been happening is that as you scroll through your LinkedIn feed to observe how successful people on LinkedIn are doing things, what they’re talking about, and trying to reverse engineer what makes their posts get so much engagement, you realize many of the “Top Voices” on LinkedIn are writing in a very formulaic and predictable way.

They all start with the same old hook statement that feels super click bait. They tell the same story about an obstacle they’ve navigated. They weave in how successful they’ve been since overcoming that obstacle and they finish off with an empowering sentence that encourages you to also take action. Finally, they add on a call-to-action to work with them to learn more about how they can help you do exactly the same. And of course, they attach a photo of themselves to the post, which has nothing to do with the post.

In such a situation, if I were to try to model my LinkedIn posts after what I see the successful LinkedIn folks doing on the platform, even though that is genuinely NOT how I speak or how I write or how I express myself… If I were to try to mimic this “successful LinkedIn post formula”, I would literally be inauthentic to my voice and literally mould myself to fit what I THINK I should say or how I should show up in order to get all the likes and comments on my LinkedIn content.

I’m sure you’ve also navigated something similar.

For many of us, as we continue to build thought leadership and a body of work that showcases our thought leadership, I know that we will often have to come face to face with this dilemma.

On one hand, we feel this pressure to follow certain success blueprints or conform to other people’s expectations of us. But on the other hand, these rules or best practices or even expectations, feel tensely at odds with our authenticity and how we’d like to express ourselves.

One thing that a number of my clients have struggled with at some point is that although they want to be authentically sharing through their content, they’re also worried about sharing too much to the point where it feels like they’re ripping themselves open for everyone to see. 

Clients have literally said to me, “If I’m trying to portray myself as a coach, what will people think if I’m sharing about my struggles? Will people still want to work with me?” 

So my clients will feel hesitant about showing how they’re currently a work in progress because they assume that their audience will perceive them as incompetent and not having it all figured out. This experience is ESPECIALLY prevalent for my clients who have had successful careers or achievements in the past, where other people might comment and say something like, “WOW you’re so good at what you do” or “WOW you’re so confident”.

And because they were getting this sort of positive reinforcement, they would get caught up in wanting to show only the good parts of themselves, their careers, and their lives. Having other people see them as having everything together was the only option for them. 

Now, fast forward to my clients creating something of their own such as a solopreneur business or building thought leadership and a body of work that captures that thought leadership. Right now, because this is something very novel and even foreign to them, they feel like they’re struggling compared to their past accomplishments, and they don’t feel as confident or successful as before. As a result, they are absolutely petrified at the thought of their audience seeing that they don’t have it all figured out. 

Despite these negative self criticisms and massive resistance to sharing authentically about their experiences and sharing what they’re learning in real time, many of the clients I work with still feel called to be open about the lessons they’re navigating and share openly, honestly, and genuinely with their audience.

That’s because for many of them, being relatable is naturally who they are. They value transparency. They want to help uplift others and not gate keep the things that have shaped them into who they are today. These clients truly value being relatable, open, transparent and authentic.

This is why when we work together inside my coaching programs such as COWORK & CHILL With Cheryl (CCC), we will also coach on helping you to reach an OPTIMAL BALANCE where you are sharing authentically AND still positioning yourself in a positive light for your audience.

We will work together to find your perfect blend of professional and authentic, because the two CAN coexist beautifully. 

In the meantime, here’s a perspective I want to offer. Let’s say you’re deciding between two seemingly different sides of you that you want to express. Maybe it’s professional VS authentic. Maybe it’s being seen as someone aspirational VS someone relatable. Whatever it is, they feel like they’re conflicting and on opposite sides of the spectrum.

Rather than thinking that the two are competing with each other, meaning, if you’re, let’s say, being 90% professional, then you can only be 10% authentic. Which means the two have to add up to 100%.

Instead of pitting them against each other, let’s look at it through the lens of: How much of each do you want to express? That means that each of them COULD potentially be 100% each, rather than competing for the same 100%.

Let’s say instead of 10% authentic and 90% professional, is it more true for you to embody 80% authentic and 80% professional? Or maybe 90% professional and 30% authentic?

As you can see, this way of thinking about it means that the two forms of expression are NOT being pitted against one another. But rather, both can coexist. And the amount of which each of them are being expressed will depend on what feels true to you. 

Honestly, I don’t think this overarching debate between being professional versus being yourself, being authentic, is that black and white. I don’t think you have to choose one at the expense of the other. Personally, I do think you can find your own optimal middle ground. 

However, whatever your ideal balance between the two is, you need to have your own back and actually respect yourself, respect what you stand for and respect the way you show up.  Because if you can’t respect yourself, it’s hard for others to respect you.

Trying to impress others vs. expressing yourself

When you lack that respect for yourself, it could look like you’re trying to bolster your accomplishments to seem more legit or trying to curate your social media presence so that it highlights your wins only, rather than being open about how you’re a work-in-progress and showcasing the things you’re currently learning.

Maybe it looks like assuming the client will say no before you even start the conversation, so you unconsciously talk really fast and over explain. And you may unnecessarily bring up past client case studies to try to impress the prospective client.

When you don’t even back yourself or what you’re doing and what you’re saying, as a result, we will often give off subconscious signs or signals to those around us. Because we are feeling anxious, uncertain, insecure, or self-doubt on the inside, the more we’ll try to fluff up our feathers to impress the other person. We give off these “trying too hard” vibes when we really want the other person to think highly or positively of us. But on the inside, we actually don’t even know if we’re qualified or deserving or worthy of these positive perceptions from the other party.

But let’s say you can simply relax and be transparent with how you’re still a work-in-progress from the get go, then the other party wouldn’t unknowingly start to judge or question if you’re trying to overcompensate for something or pick up on your insecure energy.

Personally, I used to avoid being in rooms where I wasn’t considered the smartest, the brightest or the most successful. When I started creating content and building my business, naturally, no one knew me or my past accomplishments.

People didn’t know where I went to school, or the multiple scholarships I received in college, or how hard I worked to get the prestigious undergraduate research fund for my senior year. And frankly, no one cared. 

So, ESPECIALLY in the first few years of my entrepreneurial and online journey, I constantly struggled with the feeling of being insignificant and questioned whether I even have any experience, let alone expertise, that was necessary to build a business and personal brand.

To top it off, everyone else online, whether they’re an entrepreneur or someone in a traditional corporate job, seemed like they had more experience than I did or had more knowledge and life experience than me.

After all, on LinkedIn, you aren’t just comparing with the people within your physical locality, you get to see everyone flexing on the Internet. I was no longer a big fish in a small pond. I was now a small fish in a never ending ocean of sharks. And now, I have to prove myself to the sharks or else I’ll starve to death and have no opportunities to feed or fend for myself.

Or so I thought…

I thought that I needed to keep quiet and not say anything until I acquired the relevant knowledge, credentials, work experience, and so on, in order to be deserving of any opportunities.

I felt so small and inadequate around people who had better or different credentials and accolades than me. I felt like I had zero input to offer any conversation.

To be very honest, this is something I still struggle with today. Less than before, but it still comes up here and there.

For example, after I quit my PhD to move to Singapore to be with my husband and pursue my business full-time, for a long while, when I introduce myself to people, I’d start off with, “I was originally doing my PhD but because of Covid, I decided to leave the PhD to move to Singapore to be with my husband, and now I’m just doing my business as my main thing.”

That was how I’d introduce myself for the longest time. To some of you, maybe this introduction sounds fine. But what I knew was going on was that I was afraid that people would think I’m “less than” without my PhD. I had become attached to my identity of being a PhD student. 

And now that I no longer was doing my PhD, I felt like having my own podcast and business wasn’t good enough. So I’d start my introductions with something about how I used to be a PhD student, as if leading with this would make me seem more legit or smarter.

As you can see, what I was doing was not only trying to impress people by saying, “Oh yea, I used to be a PhD student”, I was also diminishing the legitimacy and impact of what I do in my business and podcast. I was downplaying the value of my work and honestly, that makes me a bit sad to think back on.

Because I was so hooked on what I was lacking (i.e. the PhdD), I literally downplayed what I DO have, what I DO know, and what I’m SO GOOD at. To a certain extent, I was also brushing off the experiences that have shaped me into who I am today.

Although I’d love to share with you how I worked through this, the honest truth is that I am still working through it. Therefore, I’m not yet in a position where I can confidently share what worked for me.

That said, what I feel like I can share is the spark that helped me become aware of my thoughts and thus prompted me to be more conscientious about what I tell myself and how I show up to social situations where I have to talk about what I do.

Long story short: It honestly makes me sad to think about how I was essentially talking shit about what I currently do. Because past me would have been so proud to know what I have created thus far and who I’ve become. And by past me, I mean little Cheryl, as well as Cheryl a few years ago, who didn’t know if this whole business thing would continue on for more than a year or two. If past Cheryl knew how present day Cheryl was talking down on what she’s doing, past Cheryl would definitely be sad.

More importantly, present day Cheryl is equally pained to know that this is how I’m presenting my work to others. Because despite all the self-doubt and feelings of not being good enough is prevalent for me at this moment, deep down, I am truly, deeply proud of what I do and there are zero doubts about that.

So to see how I was talking about my work in such a condescending way, made me sad. That is how I came to the realization that there is some sort of work I need to do so that how I feel on the inside is aligned with how I’m showing up on the outside. 

The truth is, being proud of yourself and what you do, feeling worthy to authentically show up as yourself, feeling good enough to express yourself, feeling good enough to show up authentically, is not determined by how much information you know or what fancy prestigious credentials you hold.

If anything, I feel that self-expression is simply whether you are willing to be courageous to be fully seen as yourself, even if you feel out of place. Even if you feel insecure or inadequate. Even if you feel like you don’t belong in this room and you have to prove yourself first in order to even be in the room.

There are going to be many more moments in our lives where we have to decide whether we are willing to be courageous enough to be ourselves, to make the first move and pursue our goals. To feel like a beginner again. To put ourselves in situations where we may indeed face judgment or scepticism from others.

And in these situations, it’s up to us to decide whether it is worth it to move forward or whether we are okay with not trying at all.

What are you avoiding?

With that being said,  I was to offer a few questions for all of us to play around with and think a bit about:

1. When it comes to your dreams and goals, what are you avoiding because you’re so worried about your image? For example, is there something you’re choosing not to pursue, even though you really want to do it? Are you okay with that? Are you okay with forgoing the joy of trying this thing or the potential opportunities or growth that you might experience because you gave it a go or committed to it? —> If not, then what changes do you need to make? What support do you need in place as you start to pursue this new initiative? 

2. When it comes to building thought leadership and a body of work centered around what you want to be known for, are you NOT talking about a particular subject matter at all because you feel like you lack expertise? Are you okay with that? —> If you’re not okay with that, then what can you do instead? What is within your control or is doable for you right now, given your current knowledge? For example, can you interview people who do have that knowledge? Can you create your own learning curriculum and share the helpful resources you’ve come across?

3. Finally, when it comes to your thoughts around your image, your reputation and what people think of you, the thought I was to offer here is: Yes. More often than not, there are situations or scenarios where it is important to be mindful of the impression you are leaving on others. No doubt about it. But a question to consider is, have you been playing it SO SAFE to the point where you aren’t even CLOSE to taking a healthy or sufficient amount of risk? Meaning, have you been playing it so safe to the point where literally, even if you were to “be 10% more authentic”, it wouldn’t even make a noticeable difference because you’ve been staying so close to your comfort zone? 

Oftentimes, we are so scared to make the wrong impression. We are scared to say something that will make us seem unprofessional, so much so that you’re terrified of “being yourself”.

But is your version of “being yourself” so extreme to the point where “being yourself “ will rub people off the wrong way? Because if it is, then fine. Then I’d say it’s fair to consider the sort of impression you might be making if you were to “be yourself”.

However, I’d argue that for most of us, we aren’t so polarizing or controversial to the point where if you were to show up as yourself, that would somehow negatively impact your reputation or image.

Instead, many of us have so much room to be more of our authentic selves. And I’d also take it a step further to say that for many of us, it is safe and welcomed to be yourself. Especially when it comes to building thought leadership and building a body of work online. There IS room for you to bring out more of yourself and highlight certain parts of yourself. 

Something for all of us to think about 🙂

Are you willing to take the first step and try?

For many of us, at this point in our life, career, or business, we’re tired of confining ourselves to the boxes of who we’re “supposed” to be and what we’re expected to do or not to do.

Instead, there are now certain parts of us that want to be expressed and show up bigger in the world.

Maybe there are certain incredible opportunities that you want to pursue. Or maybe there are brilliant ideas you want to explore on a deeper level and spend more time learning about.

Or maybe there are skills or areas that you want to improve on. But at the same time, you can’t help but worry about what people will think of you. What if they judge you for being an absolute beginner at this new thing you want to try? What if they talk badly about you, thinking that what you’re doing is not legit enough? 

But here’s the thing. YOU already know what you want. YOU already know that deep down, there’s something you want to pursue or try or explore further.

The question is: Are you willing to take the first step and try? I’ll let you decide for yourself 🙂 

And hey, whatever decision you make, please always remember that you have the power and agency to make decisions aligned with your values and goals, to do work you’re proud of, and ultimately show up as the fullest expression of yourself. Always. 

Only we ourselves have the authority to decide whether we are good enough, worthy enough and successful enough of being ourselves and showing up genuinely and comfortably, just as we are. No one else – not even higher ups or potential clients or colleagues in your industry who are seemingly more successful. None of them have the authority to validate you from within.

Only you can recognize your own value. Once you learn to validate yourself first and foremost, only then can you decide how you want to show up and how you want to express yourself in this world.

Sounds good? Awesome. Let’s get to work.

Listen to the Episode

Additional Resources

THOUGHT LEADERSHIP STRATEGY AUDIT

– Audit the 9 parts of your thought leadership strategy

– Identify the specific areas you can improve on to build a substantial and compelling body of work

Get the free audit: https://cheryltheory.com/audit 

Other Episodes You’ll Enjoy

Episode 10. DM Nightmares, Authenticity, and Other Sales Tips with Ruby Lin

Episode 46. Copying or Modeling After Other Coaches

Episode 80. I’m Not Good, Successful, or Attractive Enough

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